I'm in a group of women with due dates in the same month as me. This sounds fabulous, right? Meh. Mostly it just means I hear the same news over and over and over and over again. First it was declarations of, "It's a....." to which I feigned joy over and over and over again (who cares?) and now it's excited declarations of, "Hello Third Trimester!" or "Less than 100 days left!!!" which actually kind of just makes me want to punch them because I have 2 weeks left until my third trimester and another week until I'm counting down from 100. Bitches.
The part I hate most though - more than anything else - is the weepy ones. The women who cry at every ultrasound, who spend hours rubbing their bellies and who buy sonograms so they can hear their baby's heartbeat every day, their eyes welling with mothering tears. The women who declared at 8 weeks when their baby was basically a poorly developed fish how connected they felt with them! Oh how much love they feel for their tiny, spineless fishbaby.
I'm sorry, I just can't do that shit. I mean, I'm fond of Xander - don't get me wrong. He's like a little uterus pet who I can feel kicking the shit out of my organs at regular intervals and I really think it's cool when I jab him in the head and he punches back. That's pretty sweet. ...I'm less than excited when I play Dixie Chicks and he gets all excited and does a little happy dance, but whatever - it could be worse. ...but I don't tear up at ultrasounds, couldn't give a crap about hearing his heart beat every day and don't feel remotely connected to him - except, you know, physically.
It's not really socially acceptable to feel this way - people look at me funny, like I'm some guaranteed failure of a parent because I'm not just crapping myself with joy at every ache and pain the little shit causes me. I'm well aware that I'm a person - and that people when they give birth to things develop strong, emotional attachments to them, so I'm not in any way worried. Part of me just wonders how many of those weepy women are just weepy because they feel like they're really supposed to be. Women have some scary perceptions on how pregnancy MUST BE and they are so very happy to tell you how it MUST BE. My favourite is the women who imply that if you don't have a completely natural birth in screaming agony - you're a failure as a woman. I think that if I don't take advantage of every option available - I'm a failure as an evolved being. So there. :P
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I get a kick out of the term "natural" any way. I mean, how does dulling the pain make it "artificial"? 'Cuz that is the opposite of natural, isn't it? And really, if they cut you open to get the damn thing out, doesn't that suddenly make it all that much more real? Scars, hello! Nothing artificial about those. Fuck those fakers an their 'natural'. I think if more people got good drugs during labor and delivery there would be a significant drop in cases of postpartum. Those women aren't fucked up cuz they popped out the child, they're fucked up cuz it FUCKIN SUCKED ASS TO SQUEEZE THE LITTLE PARASITE OUT!
ReplyDeleteWell - postpartum depression has nothing to do with how much pain you go through during labour. :P
ReplyDeleteThat said, I was told yesterday that I'm at a high risk for developing postpartum depression because I'm having frequent anxiety attacks during pregnancy and because I have a history of depression. They want to put me on antidepressants right now. I'm like, "Hey now - lets actually wait until there's a problem before we start prescribing drugs that fuck with my body, k."
More than happy to take them if there's a problem I can't deal with but I'm unwilling to hand over my libido because of anxiety attacks I can currently clearly identify as anxiety attacks.