Bleh

I need to get some kind of life. I also need to get more friends. It occurred to me that I won't have a baby shower for this baby - and it is apparently tacky to have a baby shower for any subsequent baby. The problem is a serious lack of friends. I know other pregnant women, sure - but none of them are like me. They're all either button-down, highly religious or in some other way notably conservative. It's not that I don't like them, it's that they look at me like I'm some kind of freak because I play video games, swear a lot, have a twisted sense of humor and a tendency to not keep my mouth shut when something bothers me. I think it, I say it. That tends to alienate a great many people.

I have Bonnie, of course and Carrollyn but they both live in the city and a lot of the time, Bonnie is off doing things like going to clubs or bars or going to Sydney for some event or another. I know that she'd like me to go with her but I frequently can't afford to.

Carrollyn is too busy hanging out with her new boy toy, which is good. She just got out of a relationship with a sickening asshole who actually had her convinced that unless she was thin and beautiful, she was worthless. He held a proposal over her head for years if she would just become exactly what he wanted. Miraculously, I held my tongue the vast majority of the time instead of screaming, "DUMP THE MOTHERFUCKER ALREADY!!" (otherwise known as DTMFA!)

The other pregnant women I know are constantly asking me when I'm going to change myself. What I see as parts of me (the swearing, the video games, having cats, the rock music and the twisted sense of humor), they see as serious problems with parenthood. Can't swear around children, can't play video games and be a grownup, can't have cats and babies (because the cats will smother the baby/make it allergic/generally be dirty/scratch or bite the baby/insert random excuse), can't listen to rock music around babies, must be a sensible, dry parent at all times and cannot laugh at the misfortune of others (yes, I'm talking about you skateboarding guy on YouTube who falls off and smacks his balls on a metal pole. I watch you over and over again because your pain brings me joy), filthy jokes or othersuchnonsense.

All of this makes me feel two things. Very depressed and very isolated. I know that Psam could help because Psam was a very similar type of pregnant woman, but Psam is far away. The same goes for Sarah and Heather.

So the obvious answer - make more friends. Need more friends. ...but it occurs to me that I don't actually remember how to make more friends. I don't have a job, I'm not going to school. ...so...how do we do this again? Oh right. I run up to random person and ask if they want to play with me. ...wait, that sounds a lot less creepy when you're a kid. Why can't things easy again like they were when we were kids and nothing but how well you played tag mattered?